Why do I keep replaying that conversation I had yesterday: Understanding Rumination and Why We Engage in It.

Rumination (dwelling, overthinking) involves repeatedly thinking about the same thoughts or images, with particular focus on negative ones. It's like being trapped on a mental treadmill, preventing you from being present. In this post, we'll dive deeper into rumination, why we do it, and its impact on our lives.

What Is Rumination?

The term "rumination" comes from the Latin word "ruminare," which means "to chew over." Just like cows chew their food multiple times to help digestion, humans mentally chew on their thoughts. This process can involve dwelling on past events, worries about the future, or even replaying conversations in your mind. While some reflection can be healthy, excessive rumination often leads to negative feelings, such as anxiety and depression.

For instance, you might find yourself replaying a conversation where you felt misunderstood, anticipating every possible reaction and response. It is a common theme and coping response seen in Social Anxiety, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Depression and Generalised Anxiety Disorder (worry).

Why Do We Engage in Rumination?

1. Coping Mechanism

One primary reason we ruminate is to cope with stress or emotional pain. When life gets tough, our minds may default to this repetitive thinking as a way to process difficult feelings. While it can provide a short-lived sense of control, this cycle of negative thinking usually deepens feelings of helplessness and despair.

This coping mechanism is sometimes a way of avoiding emotional pain, preparing for what could happen or evening to problem solve a difficulty situation we are in. Sometimes it does none of those things, we just think it does and the brain likes to think its doing something in a situation where we feel out of control or powerless; doing nothing is a threat to our survival so the brain is doing its job and keeping you on your toes for what may be to come. It can also be habit. We are so used to using it as a way of coping its becomes automatic. Abit like mindless scrolling on your phone for no apparent reason, the phone is just there and we reach for it or, we get into bed then pick up our phone. It becomes part of our routine.

2. Fear of Uncertainty

Humans crave predictability. When faced with uncertainty, such as during a job loss or when a relationship ends, we may obsess over specific thoughts or scenarios. We might believe that by fixating on these worries, we're preparing ourselves for potential outcomes, yet this often increases anxiety as the brain is preparing for the potential threat.

3. Desire for Understanding

We often ruminate because we want to make sense of our experiences. By replaying events in our minds, we search for explanations of what went wrong and how we could have acted differently. This longing for understanding can promote personal growth, yet it can also reinforce cycles of self-blame, shame and regret.

For example, after receiving negative feedback at work, you might go over every detail repeatedly, which could hinder your confidence and performance in the future.

4. Social Comparison

In today's society, social media amplifies the tendency to compare ourselves with others. This comparison can stir feelings of inadequacy, leading us to ruminate on our supposed failures. Its a survival response! As humans, we want to be liked and kind of need to be in some way as we wouldn't survive without other humans. For example some animals belong in a pack, they thrive better. An animal alone is vulnerable to all kinds of threat with nobody to protect them; it wont survive. We need that conversation sometimes (even if that is online or via text), that shopkeeper to sell us our food, the doctor to solve our medical issues. All of that involves other humans. We can not do it all alone.

The Impact of Rumination

1. Mental Health

Excessive rumination is tightly linked to mental health issues, such as anxiety and depression. This happens because rumination creates a feedback loop: negative thoughts result in negative feelings, which in turn lead to more rumination.

2. Physical Health

Interestingly, rumination can impact our physical health (see, that body and mind connection again). Chronic stress from rumination is associated with headaches, digestive issues, and a weakened immune system. It sends a signal to the body that we are under threat and must act. To either fight or run away physically, but we do this mentally. When we are under threat as humans, we don't need our bodily function in that moment so all of its energy gets diverted to areas of body needed to survive, not to ward off that cold virus.

3. Relationships

Rumination can strain our relationships. When preoccupied with our thoughts, we may withdraw from social interactions or become irritable with those around us. This isolation can worsen feelings of loneliness, creating a vicious cycle that 'there must be something wrong with me' as we become internally focused on how we are behaving or how we come across.

Strategies to Break the Cycle of Rumination

1. Mindfulness and Meditation

Practicing mindfulness and meditation can break the pattern of rumination. By concentrating on the present moment, you can train your mind to release negative thoughts. Techniques like deep breathing and guided imagery can be especially helpful. Support from a therapist (me) can help you to troubleshoot this as it needs to be adapted to suit you.

2. Journaling

Writing down your thoughts provides an outlet for your feelings and helps you gain clarity. Journaling allows you to put your thoughts somewhere else and be less 'internally' focused.

3. Engaging in Physical Activity

Exercise or doing something physical can help reduce that excess adrenaline so that the 'fight or flight part of your brain' can get a little quieter and the 'rational part of your brain' get louder so that your less likely to 'believe' the thoughts when they appear. This should not be used a distraction to suppress feelings that need to be processed!

4. Getting support using Cognitive Behavioural Therapy.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) can help you to understand your own individual patterns and the factors that maintain the never ending loop or cycle. It can help you break the habit and develop an alterative coping mechanism.

The next time you find yourself trapped in a cycle of negative thoughts, remember that it is normal. We all do it. Although, it can stop us from really being in the moment and living a life in line with values. I offer Cognitive Behavioural Therapy in Bournville, Birmingham and can use this along with my experience of helping countless people both in the NHS and private practice, to break this cycle, cope better and live a life that is meaningful. I do offer a free 15 minute consultation to see if we are the right fit for each other and offer face to face, telephone and video sessions. Please do get in touch via my contact form on my website.

Joubert, A. E., Moulds, M. L., Werner-Seidler, A., Sharrock, M., Popovic, B., & Newby, J. M. (2022). Understanding the experience of rumination and worry: A descriptive qualitative survey study. The British journal of clinical psychology, 61(4), 929–946. https://doi.org/10.1111/bjc.12367

Tahoon, R. (2023). Differences in Cognitive Avoidance, Anger Rumination, and The General Anxiety in Light of The Gender and Emotional Regulation Disturbance Among Undergraduate Students. Sage Open, 13(4). https://doi.org/10.1177/21582440231187281 (Original work published 2023)